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The Astonishing Color of After

Emily X.R. Pan - Author

This is a grief-centred magical-realist family story, combining a search in Taiwan with memories, ghosts, art and questions of cultural and personal identity.

More about this book

After her mother's suicide, grief-stricken Leigh Sanders travels to Taiwan to stay with grandparents she never met, determined to find her mother who she believes turned into a bird. Leigh Chen Sanders is absolutely certain about one thing: when her mother died by suicide, she turned into a bird. When she travels to Taiwan to meet her maternal grandparents for the first time, Leigh is determined to find her mother, the bird. In her search, she winds up chasing after ghosts, uncovering family secrets, and forging a new relationship with her grandparents. And as she grieves, she must try to reconcile the fact that on the same day she kissed her longtime secret crush, Axel, her mother was taking her own life.

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Book Analysis

At a Glance

Discover

Suicide· ExplainedGrief· ExplainedDepression· Explained

Consider

Grief and lossOther content to considerFear and suspense

Personalised Fit

Beyond the Cover

suicidegriefdepressionguiltTaiwanfamily historymixed identitycultural belongingmagical realismbirdsghostsmemory

FictionNovel

Themes in Context

Grief, suicide and depression

Leigh’s mother dies by suicide, and Leigh tries to understand the loss while carrying guilt connected with the day it happened.Exploratory / explanatory

How the book presents it: The reported treatment presents depression as a serious lifelong struggle rather than a complete or simple explanation for suicide.

Talk about: How does the story distinguish Leigh’s understandable search for reasons from the limits of what she can know?

Family, culture and belonging

Leigh travels to Taiwan to meet maternal grandparents she has never met and investigates her mother’s past and family secrets.Exploratory / explanatory

How the book presents it: The story examines feeling between cultures, languages and family histories through Leigh’s search for connection.

Talk about: What does Leigh learn about belonging when family history is incomplete or difficult to access?

Magic as a language for memory

Leigh believes her mother has become a red bird; her search involves ghosts and magical journeys into fragments of family memories.Ambiguous

How the book presents it: The book leaves its stance open to more than one reading.

Talk about: If the magical events are read symbolically, what feelings or memories do they make visible; if literally, what changes?

Why It May Be Worth Reading

It may offer a sustained exploration of how a young person makes sense of bereavement, family silence and mixed cultural belonging, while balancing sorrow with connection, love and hope.

What Deserves Attention

The book directly involves suicide, depression, grief, guilt, insomnia and confusion, alongside ghosts and magical beliefs. Mild language and mild sexual themes are also identified.

A Conversation Worth Having

How does Leigh’s belief about the bird shape her grieving, and what might the story suggest about guilt, family knowledge and the limits of understanding another person’s depression?

Reading Approach

Consider checking in before reading if suicide or bereavement feels especially close. During or afterwards, discuss the difference between magical representation and literal explanation, and allow space for unsettled feelings.

Confidence & Basis

Theme indicators describe how the book presents a topic; they are not a verdict on the whole book or your family's values. Confidence reflects how much book-specific material was checked. Only part of the book information was available, so some details remain unconfirmed.

What remains unconfirmed

Grief, suicide and depression: The full depiction, ending and level of detail surrounding the death are not established here.
Family, culture and belonging: The grandparents’ perspectives and the story’s final view of cultural identity are not fully established.
Magic as a language for memory: The precise rules and final interpretation of the magic are not established here.

Book information

Limited information

Relevant to: Grief, suicide and depression; Family, culture and belonging; Magic as a language for memory

THE ASTONISHING COLOR OF AFTER

Limited information

Checked: 19 September 2026.

Relevant to: Family, culture and belonging

The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X.R. Pan | Cumberland Regional HS Media Center

Limited information

Checked: 19 September 2026.

Relevant to: Grief, suicide and depression; Magic as a language for memory

The Astonishing Color of After

Limited information

Checked: 19 September 2026.

Relevant to: General book context

Benefits, discussion questions and reading approaches are suggestions. Your knowledge of your child remains part of the decision.

Heidi

Heidi

The Astonishing Color of After

At a Glance

Discover

Consider

Personalised Fit

Beyond the Cover

Themes in Context

Grief, suicide and depression

Family, culture and belonging

Magic as a language for memory

Why It May Be Worth Reading

What Deserves Attention

A Conversation Worth Having

Reading Approach

What remains unconfirmed